Probably the biggest thing I have learned in 2013 is that it’s okay to love people from afar and not have them involved in your life as much. I learned letting go, and moving on is a good thing. Some people are so wrapped up in negativity, drama, gossip, choosing to be so easily offended, and misjudge the slightest word or action. Basically people that are more interested in causing trouble and being a victim than giving the benefit of the doubt and just living and loving life and others. So this year I washed my hands of some people.
My conclusion this year was that there are some people that make the choices listed above and create their own misery. I found that my efforts to build a relationship with those people were wasted, because I spent more of my time explaining and defending words and actions to assure them they were not offended intentionally, and becoming a door mat in a sense that I would go out of my way to serve and give to those that I knew were upset or offended by me for one reason or another (even though it wasn’t ever intentional on my part).
So I realized that I was wasting my time in trying to build and mend relationships that would only ever be a one way road. I knew that there were enough other people in my life that were willing to create a 2 way relationship with me, people that give me the benefit of the doubt, people that wouldn’t get easily offended or be quick to judge, people that would serve me back, people that weren’t constantly playing the victim and causing drama. Those are the people I want in my life. And those are the people that my time is worth spending on.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been the kind of person to write someone out of my life completely or tell them to never speak to me again and ignore their phone calls etc. My door is always open to anyone that wants to make an effort in building a positive relationship with myself or my family. I’ve just stopped knocking on the doors of others begging for them to take the cookies I made them and then have them judge my choice of recipe and get offended I didn’t give them milk. 🙂 (this is obviously a sarcastic example)
As I said above, this was my biggest learning progression this year. To be ok with the fact that I didn’t need some people as a part of my life. (family or friends) That I can still love them, but I don’t have to have them a part of my life when they do nothing but bring grief and drama. It’s not worth my happiness. This was a hard fact for me to learn this year, and it took quite a few “learning experiences” for me to let go of trying to make sure everyone liked me. I remembered what others had told me in the past that if someone didn’t like me (as myself, or as a McDonald) there was something seriously wrong with that person because I am (we are) one of the most likable person(s) they knew. It took a lot of reassuring myself this, that it wasn’t me, it was them.
And it was only a select few. I could look at their lives and see similar issues they’ve had with everyone else in their life and logically know it wasn’t me, but still I had to let go of wanting to be liked, and wanting their approval. And then I realized what will be my next year’s motto- “that’s why their life is that way, and my life is this way” I didn’t have to make my life like theirs any more! I have healthy relationships with other people, close friendships, loving family and friends, I was the one with abundance and my life would not be lacking by their absence. They make their own choices and create what is their life, and I make my choices and create my life!
And so our family has moved on. We have lived our lives without the dramatics, we’ve made new friends, we’ve limited contact with some and cut off contact with others. We have never felt so free! We don’t have to worry anymore about the constant judgment, we don’t have to tip toe around everything we say, or do, or even dare to dream about. We can live our lives and be ourselves and surround our lives with those that love and appreciate us.
And meanwhile, we have provided less ammunition to become the negative focus of other’s mouths. They can continue to dwell in their circle of negativity, but we choose to step out of that circle and move on 🙂
Washing our hands never worked so well!