As the youngest child of 9 I’m used to the opinions of others on how spoiled I must be, or how I probably got away with murder and other such beliefs.  Let me put to rest any questions on the matter…. Yes, I was spoiled, and although murder never crossed my mind I’m sure I got away with a lot more than my older siblings including the ability to do things at a younger age.  But it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  You see there is two sides to the youngest child coin and it’s not all rainbows and daisies.
Let me start at the beginning and share the pros and cons along the road.

When I was born my mom was 37 and my dad 41.  Which meant that growing up in school they were almost always the oldest parents of any of my friends.  In some ways that was a pride because it was something I could usually “out do” on anyone elses bragging rights.

My parents first 7 children were all pretty close in age, about 2 years apart each with the exception of the twins.  Then there is a 6 year gap before my brother then 2 years later me.  So in a sense it was like having 2 completely different families.  The older kids were so much older that they are always in a different stage of life all together.

When I was really young some of the benefits of having so many older siblings and me being the youngest was that I was spoiled with attention!  There was always someone wanting to hold me, spend time with me, and I remember going on lots of “errands” and little rides with older siblings wanting to show me off.  And lets face it, a cute little redheaded sister with super curly hair is a great ice breaker when flirting with girls/guys.  They spoiled me with birthday presents, took me to get my ears pierced, and I was usually welcome to hang out with them.  Imagine Christmas mornings!  I don’t think I slept in pass 4am on Christmas morning until I was 13 (there was always some older sibling waking me up excited to share what Santa brought me).  I was also the “safe” one to send in to wake mom and dad up to see if we could open presents yet. So lots of love and attention.  Oh and lets not forget pinching me to make me cry in church so they could take me out………. yea I was a pawn.

The down side was that there were many times the family would be doing activities such as going to the lake for the afternoon that I was “too young to go”, or when we’d have guests over to play games I was “too young to play” and sent to bed or to do another activity.  I remember very clearly sitting on the front porch when I was about 3-4 crying as I watched my dad and all my siblings drive off with the boat to spend the day at the lake and I had to stay home with mom while she did some sewing.  Those feelings of being left out, abandonment, and not good enough still haunt me today.  Mostly because it wasn’t a one time occurrence, but a regular one that still repeats itself.

For the older siblings my mom was a stay at home mom.  Although she has always been involved socially and kept busy, she didn’t work outside of the home.  When I turned 4 she started working part time here and there as she sought after her personal goals of becoming an interior designer.  By the time I started kindergarten she started working and then opened her own business.  She’s extremely talented and doing interior design was a perfect career choice for her.  The down side to it was that my brother and I grew up with a working mom unlike our older siblings.  Sometimes we’d be home for hours after school before she’d get home.  And not to add to the old age “walking home up hill both ways in the snow” story- but our bus stop was about a mile from our house.  Sometimes we were lucky enough to be able to call home from a house half way to ours and see if anyone was home to come pick us up.  If not, we had to walk home.  (not that walking was bad for us, in fact it probably did us some good- the bad part was after a long day at school and a almost 2 hour bus ride home little kids are hungry and usually need to go potty right after getting off the bus.  There was a tree that was our official “potty stop”)
There were a few times specifically that I felt my mom’s career was more important than me.  The first time I ever got sick at school, I was in first grade and as a shy child (hard to imagine right?) it took all my courage just to tell my teacher I didn’t feel good.  She took me to the nurses office and called my mom.  When my mom came to get me she explained that she had appointments that day and that I’d have to go hang out at my sister’s house.  (my sister was married at this time)  I couldn’t help but feel as though I was an imposition.

When we moved to Utah my dad still worked in Nevada.  So he would be gone during the week and home on the weekends.  Until I was about 13 it was normal to only see dad on the weekends and it didn’t give me much of a chance to know him.  All I grew up knowing was that dad was much more strict and controlling than mom and any other day of the week we could get our own cereal for breakfast etc. but when dad was home you had to ask first.  Still to this day I don’t feel like I really know my dad- or that he knows who I really am.

Now for one of the up sides-  by the time I was 5 1/2 my oldest sister had her first baby and I became an aunt!!  Talk about bragging rights at school!  That was the tip of the iceberg when it came to grand kids for my parents.  ( I think today they’re up to 46? I lost count)  Being such a young aunt was fun because it was almost like I was a big sister rather than an aunt.  And now as an adult we are having our kids together.

By the time I was about 10 years old I was driving cars, tractors, 4-wheelers, snowmobiles, moped’s, and getting to do a lot of things my older siblings wouldn’t have ever been allowed to do at that age.  Part of this was due to the fact that our family lived in Las Vegas until I was just over 1 year old. (the oldest sibling was 15) Our family then moved to a small rural town in Utah where we owned a lot of property.  So the older kids experienced more of a city-life during their young to around teen years whereas my brother and I only ever knew the country life. (fyi country life is a lot more laid back which again has it’s pros and cons).

Not having a lot of competition around the house by this time my brother and I got more one on one time with our parents.  Sometimes it was good and gave us the chance to get to know them more or learn something new from them, but sometimes it was an opportunity to lecture us on our imperfections. (for a few years I had an almost weekly lecture from my dad and sometimes my mom on how I needed to lose weight)

Times change, finances change, and the health of my parents changed.  By the time I was in high school my dad was semi-retired which meant that even though he was finally home during the week he was “too tired” to go to my extra curricular activities.   Only when there was a big event that my older siblings would also be attending with their spouses would my parents go.  But along with being too tired to do things my parents were generally too tired to worry about setting many boundaries.  Fortunately I was a good kid that didn’t get into trouble so that could have attributed.  I don’t remember ever having a curfew, and know that I got many more freedoms than my older siblings.  One of the funny things my siblings talk about is how my brother and I were allowed to order soda at restaurants at such a young age.   The funny thing is that today I am the only one of my siblings that doesn’t really drink soda, they can’t go or do anything without one (including my parents).

There was also the babysitting aspect.  Although I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews sometimes it was offensive when all the siblings would do something together and I would be nominated to babysit- as if I wasn’t part of the family.  I don’t think they meant to offend, but just weren’t taking into consideration my feelings at the time.  Once again, those experiences and emotions of being left out and not good enough. :/

The best part about being the youngest at a high school age was the fact that our guest house we called the “bunkhouse” was now empty because I was the only one still at home.  So I moved into my own separate house across the driveway when I was 15 and basically had my own house.  It was fun to have friends over and when I graduated high school I was able to pay for one of the bedrooms to be turned into a kitchen so I could still live there while going to college.  Being one of the few people my age that had their own place it became a fun hang out.  And it gave me a taste of the freedom and responsibility of adult life at a young age.  The older kids got something similar to this when my dad was still working in Las Vegas he had some property with an apartment that some of the older kids lived in after high school as a transition place to stay.

By the time I started having kids my parents had about 30 grand kids already.  And although new babies are always fun, the novelty of grand kids had worn off.  My mom had started something called “cousin’s camp” when I was about 11 years old.  Basically each Summer all of the daughters, daughter in laws, and grand kids would get together (rotating who was in charge) for 3-4 days and do family activities.  Almost every year I had gone to help, but sadly it was outgrown and stopped being done by the time my oldest child was just 2.  Of course by then some of the grand kids were getting to be teens and didn’t want to do cousins camp any more and the ages of all the kids was getting to broad to find things to do that would entertain all of them. (or so I was told)  So sad to say none of my other kids ever got to experience cousin’s camp.

Now my parents are both in their 70’s.  My mom has Parkinson’s which seems to have been getting worse and worse the past 3-4 years.  And it brings me to the reality that at least one if not both of my parents may not be alive to see all if not any of my kids get married or pass any other important life milestones.  With their health and energy levels they haven’t been up to house guests very often or for more than a couple of days.

Which brings us to today, I now have 5 children.  My parents have close to 50 grand kids, and my siblings are starting to be grandparent’s themselves making my parents great-grandparents even though my oldest child is just 12.  With so many grand kids and now great grand kids my parents announced last year that they will no longer be doing birthday presents (or money) and probably not Individual Christmas presents either for each of the grand kids because it’s just getting to be too many. (understandable) So basically that means that my kids ages 12, 10, 8, 6 and 1 are included.  My baby and any future kids we have wont ever get a birthday or maybe even a Christmas gift from their grandparents.  That just breaks my heart for them.  I remember being 12 (and the youngest grand kid for my dad’s mom) when my grandma decided to do the same thing.  I wish my kids could experience grandparents like my older nieces and nephews got to.  And now their kids get to experience from my siblings being their grandparents.

So you still think that being the youngest makes life easier?  I’ll tell you, it has it’s pros and cons as with anything.  And even though us youngest children may get to do a lot of things at a early age, it also means we’ll miss out on things at an earlier age.

At the end of the day our life is whatever we choose to make it and we have the choice to have whatever attitude we want.  So what kind of attitude will serve you best?  For me I choose to focus on the things I can control and live my life each day to be the best that I can make it and make sure I am the best version of myself that I can be.  My issues are my own, and others have theirs, I have learned to understand the difference.  All I can do is work on my own issues 🙂

My parents and all 9 siblings, taken at my wedding in 2000.