After much consideration lately I’ve come to a conclusion why there are some people that just don’t seem to get it.  They wonder why they struggle in life, professionally, personally, or with relationships with others.  If this sounds like you then today’s post is a little insight that will hopefully help you understand why no one likes you.  You’re selfish.  Maybe you don’t think of yourself as selfish, but if you’ve ever done any of these behaviors I’m going to share then it may be time for a self-evaluation. (hint: everyone has done some of them at some point, the key is to stop doing them)

*Warning, this is a real frank post, not for those who don’t want to improve themselves*

 Let me explain the selfish behaviors I’ve noticed and hopefully you can relate to one or more of these examples and make some changes.

Takers 
In blogger networking groups that I belong in there are often posts to follow each other on facebook, twitter, Instagram etc.  Traditionally each person posts their link, page, username, or whatever else information was requested for others to follow them, then they in turn follow everyone else.  Sounds good right? Well there’s becoming more and more selfish party-poopers that will post their information and then go on with life pretending it was just a self-promoting opportunity with no intention of following anyone else.  This is not only rude but also disrespectful to the other posters who will in good faith follow you trusting that you will do the same.

These types of posts serve a purpose in supporting each other.  If you’ve done this you have been a drain on the post- taking but not giving.  Now for a lot of bloggers such as myself, we understand that there are going to be losers like this and what goes around comes around so it’s not worth the time or upset.  But karma is real and you’re in denial if you think you can build a successful blog or business by stepping on everyone else to climb to the top.  Some  do notice and your name could be put out there and attached to this kind of shameful behavior is surely something you never want to happen.

Information Hoarders
These are the people that get a good bit of information such as an amazing contact, a giveaway with low entries, a new amazing opportunity, an amazing sale, or something else that you know a lot of other people would love to know about as well- but you keep the information to yourself.  Sometimes it’s fear that someone will “take” what you want, do better than you, or capitalize on the opportunity more than you do.  Meanwhile your behavior is that of a child who tries to hold all their toys so no one else can play with them.

I will admit, there have been times I’ve struggled with this- for the same fears that if I share I may be replaced or miss out, but what I’ve learned is that the amount of times that either of those things have happened have been so much less than the times that I’ve received complete gratitude from those I shared with.  Remember how it feels when someone shares something like this with you?  You have a sense of gratitude, respect and appreciation for them- don’t let it stop at you!  Pass along the information and someone else will feel the same way about you!

The Introverts
Everyone is different, it’s okay to be an introverted person, but it’s also important to pay attention to how others may perceive you as snobby, rude, or always in a bad mood.  Make a conscious effort to SMILE.  Even if you don’t feel comfortable talking, a smile can go a long way to making friends and just letting others know you’re not a snob or in a bad mood but just choose to be quiet.

The Extroverts
Sometimes extroverts can come across as pushy, loud, and rude.  If you are by nature an extrovert pay close attention to the people around you and try to blend in with their reactions.  What I mean by that is- if someone is speaking softly match their volume.  Otherwise your loud tone in conversation can be annoying, overwhelming and even intimidating.

Narcissists
Not everything is about you.  You don’t have to convince everyone, or anyone for that matter how cool, smart, talented, rich, or fantastic you are.  If you constantly find ways to turn the conversation to something about you it’s time for a change.  Ask others about them, how they feel, what they’re interested in, what they want, etc.  they will not only be flattered, but feel as though you’re truly interested in them and will find themselves wanting to be around you more.

The Ungrateful
People will always do more than expected when they feel appreciated.  Have you ever done something for someone that was maybe a sacrifice on your part or took a lot of time/money/resources etc. and they didn’t even say thank you or show any appreciation?  Did you want to do it for them again?  But on the flip side of that, have you ever done something small for someone that maybe you didn’t even really think was a big deal and they showered you with gratitude? If you’re like me then you probably spend your time finding ways to one up yourself in the things you do for them- because it feels so good to be appreciated!

One of the universal truths is the law of Gratitude and Abundance.  What you show gratitude for you will receive more of!

Control Freaks
No one likes to be micro-managed and told every thing to do all the time.  Control freaks come off as bossy, perfectionists, and lets face it, no one wants to be controlled all the time.  Control freaks can make great leaders, but only when they accept the fact that they don’t know everything and others may be able to do things better on their own.  Keep an open mind that there is more than one way to do most things, 2 heads are better then 1, by allowing others to share ideas you may both learn something new.

Bullies
This is a hot topic in schools, yet I’ve found MANY don’t fully understand what a bully is.  So here’s my easy to understand definition I share with students in assemblies:
If you are doing something to someone and they either
1) ask you to stop OR
2) you can clearly tell they don’t like it (move away, cry etc)
AND you keep doing it, you’re being a bully.
You may think it’s just teasing, but if the person you’re teasing isn’t having fun then you’re just being mean.  No one likes a bully.  You may think you look cool, or that it’s made friends for you, but in reality those “friends” are probably not really your friends but are just too intimidated and scared of you to not be your friend.  That is not true friendship.

The Blunt Talkers
Telling things the way they are can be a great trait, and the honesty of blunt talkers can be admired.  However, don’t be so blunt that you cross the line of just being rude.  If you are unsure how someone will take whatever you say, simply say “I will tell you the 100% truth, is that what you want to hear?”.  Sometimes you can also soften the blow of things others aren’t ready to hear by following up with a “but that’s just my opinion, I still like you”.  Remember that golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated- there is a honest and blunt way to put something, and then there is a rude way.  Think before you talk.

The Moody Person
Aside from what is called “resting *&^%$ face” or as I refer to it- resting grumpy face, that basically means the face you make when you’re in thought and not focusing on someone or something specific and you look like you’re in a bad mood, when in reality you’re not.  If people have asked you often if you’re mad or upset and you have to keep reassuring them you’re not, this probably applies to you.  The only suggestion I have is to conscientiously make an effort to smile as often as possible.

As for people who are actually moody it should be pretty obvious why people don’t want to be around you- because they never know what mood their going to get!  When you’re happy and excited you are probably one of the most fun people to be around, however your flip side of the grumpies keep people walking on egg shells while around you.

For some people the effort of having to deal with others who have bad attitudes or are grumpy/moody often isn’t worth the overall benefits of the relationship.  My mom always told us growing up that no matter how bad your day or mood is, that doesn’t give you the right to take it out on someone else.

The Easily Offended
Do you find yourself often having hurt feelings over things others have said or done?  You may be someone who is easily offended.  For the same reason people don’t like walking on egg shells around moody people, they also get tired of constantly having to defend themselves and their actions that were not meant to offend.

You may find yourself alone simply because others don’t want to be around you for fear of offending you once again.  Time to pull up those big kid panties and deal with life.   Not everything is about you, not everything everyone does is meant to attack you.

Everyone has their own issues.  Give other people the benefit of the doubt and stop assuming they are out to hurt and offend you intentionally.  The general rule I live by: no matter what anyone says, imagine to yourself that they meant it in the best, nicest, most helpful, and loving way.  And if that doesn’t work, then realize that it’s their issue and doesn’t have to be yours unless you make it yours.

*Thanks to a good friend Sheena, I’ve updated this post with a couple more.

The Interrupter 
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is CONSTANTLY interrupting you?  They turn the conversation about themselves, their experience, or their idea?  I find myself doing this one a lot- not because I mean to be rude, but because I have a short attention span and am easily excited.  I have to make a conscious effort to wait until the other person is done before sharing my thoughts.

Remember, other people have important things to say too.  People want to be heard and you don’t always have to be the one to share and prove anything, sometimes just listening and validating someone is all they need.

The Steam Roller
Similar to the control freak, the steam roller is usually the one in charge that doesn’t want to accept anyone else’s ideas or input.  With a one track mind they wont be sidetracked into any other objectives or topics to insure that they reach their goal, their vision.  They have great focus which is great for personal goals, however in a team or group environment it’s important to work together, which means letting others have a say it what’s being done.

Everyone exhibits some of these traits every now and again, hopefully this list will help those struggling to understand why no one likes them and change behaviors to be more likable.